I'm so f***ed...

Sigh... as title... I'm really f*** this time. Couldn't finish studying the whole thing :( HOW HOW HOW !!!

Really need to change the strategy already. Can't "JUST DO IT" all the time !

Sigh... worse is my CAP is haunting me every night and day so stress that I down 5 cups of coffee last night and it felt as if an axe is cutting my brain apart. Worse headache in my life ever.. sigh.

Project Meeting on my weekend again...

I don't know since when... that I felt that I've become a working machine.

So bad.. Just when I'm trying my very best to become a human again, many things stopped me from doing so. Is it a test for my determination ? Or is it God's will to make me a working machine and not a human ?

But judging from my current situation now, there's no way that I can achieve my dreams without being a working machine. So.. swallow it and bear with it. It's just another transition state that make people go crazy.

Finally... A good short rest.

Finally ! A short good rest.

Gotta swear that I must be mad when I choose to take up this subject. But judging from other people's blurness until now. I believe this is one of the subject I can score but I must work harder !

It is one subject that I understand faster than others ! HAHAHAHAH !!

Year 2 is really a different field of game that I should play and I should win. It's MY GAME =)

Tired..

Sigh..

I can't be bothered about so much any more..

Just give me a life where I can do my part well. Give me a life where I can focus on my studies and my health.

Seriously I am not Superman and I can't be there to save the day all the time.

Just let those shit happen and I find a way to save myself enough already.

YES. I know I'm no longer the old me. I'm no longer the old dude who would be there for anyone to save the day.

I'm SELFISH. I learnt to protect myself. I learned that if I'm not happy my life isn't happy.

I don't give a shit about the rest any more. Maybe this is the real way of how you are supposed to face the world.

Self-survival FIRST. Goodbye love.

Mug and Mug and Mug

I shall mug until my brain is saturated. It's only week 3 and the notes are already thick.

Might go for drinking session with best buddies but depends on my time in hall also. It's hard being an important person in hall yet need to balance school works and hall and old friendship.

I already set my mind clear : I won't return home this December and Chinese New Year unless I scored well for my coming mid-term exams. If I don't make results here, it would be a shame to return home. Just like how the medieval crusaders would do, if they don't kill enough Moslems, they stay in the Holy Land and butcher more men.

That should be the mind-set now. To make myself living on that thin line between sanity and insanity. That thin line between home and foreign.

Hope that would churn out the best in me. The very best in me. If I don't churn that out, when in the future is it ever possible for me to do that again ?

Regret

Sigh..looking at other's overseas photos just reminded me of how much have I missed in life.

It has been a long and uneasy ride of failure and disappointment. Shall not let this continue.

UC Davis or UCSD will be the aim. After that we make a big deal in America and come back as champions.

4 core modules and I am dying..

Feeling ambitious this semester I whacked 4 core modules and now I feel like I am dying already. Shit.

Gonna stop complaining. maybe living along the line of life and death is the optimum surroundings that can churn out the best in me. Bringing out the gifted brain out mind instead of keeping dormant for 4 years already.

Seriously I missed the glory of being a top student. I missed the glory of being praised and liked by all the relatives for being a high-acer. What about making this deal with myself ?

That I shall not go back Sungai Petani until I scored CAP 4.2 and above ?

It's going to get retarded soon...

This small brain of mine cannot withstand so much workload and it's going crazy soooooon !! REAL SOON !

So sad today I just PS ah ling and CZQ for some beer session in Brewerkz. Sien tiao ! I'm so looking forward for a beer session ok ?!

Health Minister's Award

OMG ... you people know what ?!

I dreamt that I was honoured with the "Health Minister's Award" in my convocation for "efforts put into research on tumour protein that saved lives of millions of Singaporean" !!!

OMG that was such a sweet dream. That was awesome ! That's just ..... a dream.

BUT !

A dream will be an idea... an inspiration... a motive to drive/propel myself... an aim.. a work in progress.... A REALITY.

Yes make it a reality !!! I have all I need now ! never in my life God has been so fair to me !!

Too many things to do. Too many things to think about.

Life has never been stressful as now. 2 biggest committees are pressing me to become the leader. I choose one because there are jobs undone there, but the other keep pressing me to pick up the job too, which is very unlikely.

Studying wise, year 2 is a big year. Its called the doom year of life sciences. Yeah I pressed myself to take up 4 core modules, forcing myself to become hard-working as I used to be.

Yes I know I still have the potential to do it. I know I can.

The dream of developing into USA, being New York or San Diego as the main target has struck me again. Biotechnology has never been as advance as the USA. Shall go there and make an empire for myself, then return to Singapore when it's ripe and give back to the Lion City.

Singapore is a great place to live indeed. But not a great place to achieve your full potential.

MUST be strong ! MUST be tough ! MUST create legend !

Protein is the future....

Lately.. possibly due to the nature of NUS's research focus, my interest in biology is slowly inclining towards the genetics and biochemistry side.

Maybe it's in the blood too... my grandfather (paternal side) was a Chinese Medicine Practitioner, my father is a Chemistry teacher...

And I ... A life science student.

Still ... pondering whether should I study Molecular Biology ... or Biomedical Science.

So sad that NUS doesn't allow students to take up 2 specialist area. Something I'm getting "tulan" now...

But thinking of the bright side... I'm one lucky bastard as my friends in Malaysia are doing shit due to some "kuliterasi" policy.

"Thank you" Malaysia.

"Damn you" Singapore.

Studying Biomedical Sciences allows me to work on a more integrated system of the human biology. Allowing me to join the legions of biology genius of the Lion City.

Molecular Biology ? Well the time is not yet fully matured yet, but it's wave of advancement is building up. The future is in Molecular Biology.

What's more, I could be a National Hero one day if I managed to find a cure to stop pandemics like SARS and H1N1.

FYI : Singapore list pandemics like SARS ans H1N1 as a major threat to herself.

What's the verdict ?

Study and Ace as much modules as possible. Then, let the freedom as a graduate student lead the way :)

p/s : i'm bearing the colour of medieval crusaders now :P

Spot my new Timbuk2 bag :P

.... and the Crusader rises !

After months of weary war...

Poor morale....

.... and a never dying spirit !

To own the Holy Crown ...

... of the Ivory Towers !

... A change in the tide of war has happen !!

.... and the war continues....

... with the Crusader leading the charge !

Library camping season...

Ok... now that hall stuffs and starting to cool down and getting easier for me now...

I found a good nice spot ... the chinese library...

It's cold and it's comfortable !

Hip Hip Hoorah !

New Year Resolution ?

New Year Resolution ? To get good grades and earn huge money for future ? For good of my love and my family ?

Sounds familiar ... Hm... ya... I said that to myself last year while selling kuih in Singapore.

Look's like the word "resolution" doesn't fit the picture. You can follow or don't follow the resolution, but that's where the problem lies !

I MUST FOLLOW MY PLAN !!

Correct ! No matter what. This year's plan will be the simplest of all = To Follow My Plan ! Everything ! Do it as planned !!

Think of my 'not-so-glorious' CAP makes me almost wanna puke !

My CAP does not glorify me enough to allow me to act like Brad Pitt in "Inglorious Bastards" .. Haha !

That movie motivates me a lot man ! LOL ... how ?

I'll tell you many years from now and let's see if Malaysian government still send their "son of the earth" to Melbourne :) I'll do it my way :)

Whatever ! The plan now is ! DO IT AS PLANNED !

Sem 1 .... A Recap.

Ok... Sem 1 was over. It ended with lot's of new things, lessons and taught me about how university life is meant to be.

It is kinda stressful, as lot's of things are pour and stuffed into your tiny witty brain in a short freaking short time. Which sucks ! And it is kinda fun sometimes though .. it really stripped me to my bare and make me understand that I am not super smart ...

... honestly .. I think I did badly for my first semester, partly due to the fact that I am very inconsistent in my studies. I know I love to shoot those Malay politician for their "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" policy... came to think about it, my studying resolution is also like that ! I'm of no difference from those idiots that are ruining my country.

Also... I've learnt how life should be like in the world's 30th ranking university, My dear NUS. It can be sucky, it can be good... it can be tiring... it can be anything... ! But finally it's still up to your own self. As long as you study hard, it's going to be good and clean. But if you slack.. It's gonna be terrible and messy !

Life ... in NUS. Is not going to be my old sweet old life in Sungai Petani ~

It's gonna be rough... It's gonna be tiring... It's gonna make me a man from a boy !

As I said before... it's a place where a slave can become an Emperor. It's an place full of endless possibilities. It's as good as a mini-dream-come true !

EFF it... whatever.. SEM 2 ! I'm gonna use whatever i've learnt from sem 1 , all my mistakes and shits ! To make a strong comeback !! I swear !

after all ! I'm BKK-Boy ! B-BOY !!

6th November 2009 - On the brink of war....

Cool... Now is Friday .. exam coming in 2 weeks time.

Today i'm free ! I shall :

1. Lunch ( Tom Yam Fish Soup )
2. Need coffee.. Make it strong.
3. Only 10 minutes of Facebook allowed !
4. Go through 4 chapters of organic chemistry
5. Go through the whole plant physiology
6. Jogging !!! Exercise is needed to reduce stress !!

( I wanna be like my idol who was from life science and CAP 5.00 and plays football everyday ! )

Aim is to adhere to this plan. That's all.

Office of Student's Affair gave us a study guide. The starting point ? = Start low.